Avoid-Dance
Or, why going there is the only way out of there...
Perhaps the most common defense mechanism I consistently hear from clients is:
"I don't want to go there; I don't want to talk about that..."
I hear this from people all the time whether writing about it, talking about it onstage at speaking gigs, or on my podcast.
The frequency of this isn't surprising, but the high price you pay for this choice often is.
There's a large cost attached to avoidance and denial. For individuals, and for the human race collectively.
It's not immediately apparent, but it's definitely there.
I call it "avoid-dance" because that's exactly what it is: a fucking dance... a death dance that slowly kills you from the inside out.
Anywhere you don't want go (emotionally) is exactly where you need to be... (immediately). @tomleu
It's normal to want to avoid problems because problems = PAIN.
Nobody wants more pain. You’ve got enough of it already.
Many psychologists suggest that the human drive to avoid pain is higher and tends to be more prevalent than our drive to seek pleasure. Read that again.
It's called "avoidance coping" or "escape coping" for a reason.
But here's the thing: side-stepping isn't a solution; it's a band-aid, and a weak one at that.
Avoidance = even MORE PAIN, eventually.
The longer anyone avoids their own crap and refuses "to go there," the bigger the problem becomes, and the less effective the band-aid becomes over time.
» You gotta have the stones to rip that shit off.
You have to "go there" sometimes because » "there"« is where the real solutions to your problems live.
Believe it or not, the pain of dealing with the here and now is far less than enduring the pain accumulated by avoiding this shit week-after-month-after-year-after-year.
It's called recovery (from whatever is ailing you).
And going there is good. Going there is necessary.
Go there temporarily so you don't have to live there permanently.
Face it, fix it, and move on.
It's a risk worth taking.
Stay tuned-in…
Elevate your strategic communication skills with mindset and psychology insights paired with images from my published photography collections (you pick what you pay): “21 Days of Distinction” (ebook)