Cringe Encounter: The Handshake Shocker
Or, when common courtesy turns cringe-worthy...
How bad must things be when a simple handshake… a simple gesture or offer to politely greet another person… becomes an awkward ordeal?
You know, a cringe-worthy, subtle recoil, eye-rolling interaction that makes everyone uncomfortable.
In seminars I’ve led across the country on Advanced Communication Skills, Developing Emotional Intelligence and How to Manage Conflict & Confrontation, I would deliberately perform what I came to call the “handshake shocker” first thing every morning as attendees entered the seminar room.
It became a communication experiment and litmus test of sorts.
To my daily surprise, this simple attempt at proper etiquette with a handshake produced a large percentage of people (approximately 50–60% in my estimation) who would respond in some variation of the following:
Though they’d try to hide the look of discomfort on their faces, most would be visibly be taken aback, noticeably showing some combination of shock, surprise, suspicion, frustration and fear all at once.
They’d slightly recoil, and only then slowly and somewhat reluctantly extend their hand.
Quite a scenario and sight to see.
Perhaps you’ve been there yourself?
**Hard truth ahead:
This display of dismay over a simple extension of my hand to politely greet and introduce myself to you does NOT go unnoticed.
Nor does it send a positive message... about YOU.
In fact, it sends a very negative message, whether you intend it to or not.
It may be conveying:
“I don’t trust you; I don’t know if like you; I don’t want to be here; this is an intrusion.”
It may also be suggesting:
“I’m scared; I’m skeptical; and I’m projecting that I’m not an effective communicator… at least not right now.”
And finally:
“I’m communicating to you loud and clear that I’m likely NOT someone you’d want on your team; I’m not an A-player, nor a force to be reckoned with.”
Wow, all of that from a simple reflex Tom?
Yes, a simple, unconscious, split-second snub or handshake faux pas could possibly communicate all of that (and more) to the recipient.
It did to me... again, whether intended or not, accurate or not.
Regardless, the onus is on each of us to ensure we’re not inadvertently sending the wrong message(s) to others.
Remember, the marketing of yourself begins the MOMENT you begin interacting and communicating with others. Much of this initial communication is nonverbal, very telling and very lasting, for better or worse.
How to improve:
Improving anything starts by addressing it, not avoiding it.
Choose to pay more attention to your attention, and become more aware of your personality and social tendencies » especially those you know hold you back.
Get over yourself. Don’t be surprised by appropriate social greetings. Uncomfortable or not, make eye contact, smile, extend your hand, and move on.
In advance of interactions, prepare your mindset to project your best self when it counts because you know… you only get one chance to make good first impression.
For help with all of the above, read more of my articles here.
It can be difficult, self-analytical work.
But it’s what A-players do.
Do you?
Stay tuned-in…
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